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A Blog Where We Tell Cute Animals What's What

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evil leopard seal

Leopard Seals Think They’re So Cute They Can Get Away With Murder

Posted on October 22, 2009March 22, 2019 by FU Penguin

Seals seem to genuinely believe their own hype. As a species, they’ve seemingly decided that they’re so cute, and everyone knows it, that they can literally get away with FUCKING MURDER. And the target of their murderous rampage? The cuddly, innocent Emperor Penguin no less! As someone who is well known for their love and…

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an angry hydrax

Let’s fucking do this

Posted on September 16, 2009March 21, 2019 by FU Penguin

This cocky little fucker thinks he’s something special. Looks like he wants a piece of me. I’d done nothing to provoke him. NOTHING. I didn’t even know his species existed up until now. But he still came up and decided to get right in my face. Well know this you little bastard. I don’t back…

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bilby

I Guess Any Asshole Gets a Holiday Now

Posted on September 11, 2009March 23, 2019 by FU Penguin

Australia really is a weird place. Not the people, but some of the other shit that lives there, it just looks made up to me. Take the Bilby for example. Now to you and I, this is a rat with cardboard stick on ears, and a tiny dick for a nose. If such a species…

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cat who thinks he is Mr T

I Can’t Tell If You’re Doing That Ironically

Posted on August 31, 2009March 23, 2019 by FU Penguin

Cats are well known for their bad attitude, but it’s normally an aloof, self-righteous one. That can be understood, if not condoned. Not this time though. This time they have gone too damn far. Cat, you seriously expect us to believe you’re some sort of bad boy? A mean dude from a tough ‘hood who…

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Hey, have you guys seen this picture?

Posted on August 28, 2009March 23, 2019 by FU Penguin

Back when photobombing was a relatively new phenomenon, a small, goofy rodent and a couple of larger, goofier tourists combined to help make it a thing. It should not have become a thing. I’ve generally let the internet off with a warning when it comes to distributing cute animal pictures. But I want you to…

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otter mom

Authorities To Crack Down On Panhandling Otters

Posted on June 10, 2009March 19, 2019 by FU Penguin

Authorities in riverbanks across the country have come together to announce a clampdown on otter moms panhandling with their babies. This comes as a relief as I have a personal interest in seeing this problem eradicated. As I strolled down the bridleway last week, I was horrified to find an otter mom blocking my path….

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Jaded Hipster Owls Think They’ve Seen It All

Posted on April 18, 2009March 18, 2019 by FU Penguin

Owls are conceited little shits at the best of times. The self appointed symbols of wisdom seem to believe they’re above everyone else. But I have just one question for them? If you’re so fucking smart, why do you live in a tree and eat a diet of shrews? Not exactly gourmet is it lads?…

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Axolotl

No. Just No.

Posted on March 18, 2009March 27, 2019 by FU Penguin

This is just ridiculous. These things just have absolutely no right to exist whatsoever. Get yourselves back to the drawing board and start again. Come back when you have an appearance that looks even slightly fucking credible, and we’ll talk some more. You might finally put the whole intelligent design argument to rest. (Does anyone…

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Baudet Donkey

Start Fucking, Donkey

Posted on March 16, 2009March 23, 2019 by FU Penguin

Well even by my standards, that’s one hairy ass! Meet the “baudet de poitou,” a donkey with an exotic French name, which I begrudgingly accept it’s entitled to, since it is actually from France. Despite its Gaelic charm, it seems to be struggling to survive because it refuses to breed. Their owners have tried everything….

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Snooty Tibetan Fox

The Tibetan fox thinks he’s better than you

Posted on March 5, 2009March 18, 2019 by FU Penguin

I just want you people to drink in this world-class douchebag known as the Tibetan Fox. Have you ever seen such a holier-than-thou fucking look on a non-dolphin before? I’m not one for slapping foxes, as I generally think they know what they’ve done, but this one really has that look, like the asshole boyfriend…

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